Sunday and it's a beautiful day

Cassie, you certainly have a lot of friends. You keep getting your photo taken with everyone but Mom. I know...I know...you really like Dao!

Yesterday I took you out to the backyard to Holling's garden, but despite the fact that it was a breezy day in the 70's all you wanted to do was to go back inside.

You got your hair brushed before bed and you seemed to like that. After a good night's sleep with no accidents you seemed to be ready for this day, but now you're passing blood again.

Are you winding down, Kitty Kit Kit? I'm sad but it seems like you are similar to the way that Holling was before he passed on. Is it that you're giving me some time to get used to the situation and then you'll take your leave.

Cassie, kit, it's been a difficult year for me. I've said goodbye to so many dear fur souls. The energy in the house is waning. Whatever the case, I want you to be safe and in comfort for as long as you stay with me.

Let's try communing with each other in the garden again this afternoon.

Love to you Kitty, Kit, Kit

Almost a week's reprieve

Oh Kitty Kit,

You love sitting with Jack at the computer, eh?

Well a week has passed since last I posted and we had a few good days, but yesterday you got sick again and started to lose control of your bowels.

And now you're nauseated this morning. I don't know what to do anymore. I'll try some more Nux Vomica and keep my fingers crossed.

Love, Sharon

If it's Thursday, all must be okay

Dear Kitty Kit Kit,

I'm tired this morning. You ate very well yesterday and you slept a lot. But you were in the litter box all night and you had several accidents in various places in the house.

Dianne is coming to visit today and will check you over. I'm not sure about the direction we're going with this. You're not taking any meds. You're not passing blood but you don't have any appetite. You try to eat, but two bites is all you can manage.

You're purry and cuddly, but you don't want to go out on the deck to watch the birds and get some sun.

I hope that I am taking all of this in perspective. When Holling was getting ready to pass I forgot a lot of the details. I'm trying to think about how you were last month and how you've been. So Kitty Kit Kit, what is this thing called quality of life? How arrogant we humans are to suppose that we know what it is. I don't. You seem to be content much of the time, particularly when you are wrapped in your blanket and have your head on my shoulder. Do you have good quality of life? Please tell me.

Is there an equation that states that if this happens and then that happens, then there is a degree of quality of life? I don't know. How will I know?

Love kitty kit kit,

Sharon

It's another beautiful day

Today dawned reminiscent of the day that I took this photo last summer of Cass with Janet. Cass hadn't been feeling well since her operation and this was her first day out in the yard.

I received a lovely note from Dianne last night saying that she would help me release Cassie even though she's not back at work yet.

Dianne is coming is visit on Thursday and will take a look at her favorite patient while she's here.

This morning I awakened after sleeping peacefully all night with no sick kits in the middle of the night. Cass had slept well with only one small spot of blood where she had lain all night.

I had renewed hope as she went outside to survey her world. But alas, reality is with me as I found three puddles of blood in the basement by her litter boxes. She's on the deck now soaking up the sun.

Last night I held her wrapped in her favorite blanket as she slept peacefully with her head on my shoulder and her paw on my arm. I guess that if love could make all the ills of the world go away, Cass would certainly be as right as rain. Ah, but that's not so, is it?

I love you Cass and I'm going to do the right thing. You'll let me know when it's time to go, won't you?

Love kitty kit,

Sharon

Reality finally dawned on me today

It seems to me that my best defense when it comes to heart break is writing/blogging about it. After Holling's passing two months ago, I thought I'd get a break. Ah, but that's not so!

I can't believe that it's been almost 10 months since Cassie had her operation and has explosive diarrhea on the operating table. It's been a battle since that time with every type of food imaginable to entice her to eat, sub-qs, vitamin B shots and steroids.

For the past month we've been trying homeopathic remedies with a well known veterinarian homeopath, but I now realize that we're just about out of options.

Cassie can't seem to eat without having to go to the litter box and appears to expel more than what the intake is. We had a quiet day yesterday and I was optimistic, but this morning saw the passage of fresh blood several times. Dianne and I have talked in the past about the possibility of Cassie having cancer, but at this stage in life (Cassie is between 16 and 17 years in age) I won't do anything aggressive.

Dianne isn't coming back to work for another two weeks. I hope that Cass hangs in until then so that we can have some peaceful resolution.

Cass, you've got to know how much this is tearing me up. How can you be so sick and yet so sweet and loving. I'm going to start chronicling everything while I can still remember it.

Love to you kitty kit kit,

Sharon